Poem: "but"

i get it now.
i finally understand.
a new door opens—
after one's slammed on your hands.
life is breathing, evolving.
breaking. sobbing.
losing it all and starting anew
is the new black and fuckin' blue.

but, who am i kidding?
i don't have a clue.
falling for narcissists
like they're something new.
they pick me out of a crowd
saying, 'hey, i like you.
you've got that magic shit, girl,
with that thing that you do.'

same old story, different year
but, bitch?
i'm still right here.
too much for you?
yeah.
that's fucking true.
because I'm 100% me
with or without you.

loyal. honest.
true fucking blue.
messy. dramatic.
selfish as shit, too.
i have to be,
or i lose myself
to assholes
like you.

pull out a mirror
that shit'll get clearer
but you won't
out of fear, dear.
you won't take a selfie
'cause you're afraid of yourself, see?
but i'm not.
of you or of me.

but?
upon further reflection
i'm the denominator
that's common.
the loser.
alone here.
starting over
again.

but,
bb?
my ass
can
always
make
new
friends.
-12:28 AM, September 23rd, 2022

D.N.S. Poem: "Wrong"

Fuck you,
you bitch
for leaving me
adrift—
unable to trust
my own spit.

You're dog shit.
Suck a fat dick,
quick!
Before I kick your clit.
Your bullshit?
I'm over it.

No longer pissed.
This shit is bliss.
You won't be missed.
Forever this—
you've been dismissed.
My ass? Please kiss.

I'm goddamn done.
It's over, hon.
You haven't "won."
'Cause you'll never come
to the conclusion
you've done a damn thing wrong.

So fucking long.
It's your swan song.
See your ass out
at the sound of the gong.
Bong.
Your heart is gone.

You were fucking wrong.
12:54 AM, 09.14.2022

Poem: "Surface"

advice from a dime-store
nobody's got time for.
cross-stitched platitudes
about positive attitudes,
facing adversity strong
head on.

it's all fucking wrong.
I'm here
with my thirty-six years
to alleviate your fears:

give in. be weak.
fall to pieces.
just be.
fucking breathe.

Set free
ideas preconceived
the doubt?
throw it out.
let that shit drown
it's weighing you down.

just let go.
people float.
you'll rise
in due time.

but? sink first.

touch the bottom,
scrape your toes—
know
the sensation
so returning
isn't damnation.

rock bottom
is a myth,
underwater caverns exist,
you will surface.
-10:13 AM, 09/01/2022

Love Always, Haley BCU